My Caregiving Philosophy

The quality of the connection between a child and their parent(s) and/or caregivers is the foundation upon which the child is able to understand themselves, how they exist in relation to others and how they experience the world in general. Children do not expect or require perfection but they deserve intention.   

The pillars upon which secure, connected, nurturing relationships are built: 

• ACCEPTANCE 

“The child needs complete acceptance for however s/he is in each moment. And we, as adults, do too.” -Cheri Huber

Of our children just as they are, trusting in the unfolding of their development  

Of our own imperfect selves and the “complications and limitations of being human” (Kristin Neff, Ph.D.)

Of each moment, just as it is 

That struggle and disequilibrium are not only part of life, they are essential components of growth—for both ourselves and our children

• ATTENTION 

“The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention.” -Thich Nhat Hanh 

Observing and acknowledging our children--showing them we are available and curious about who they are, what they think, what they can do and what they are interested in 

• ATTUNEMENT

Using awareness to respond sensitively to our children’s needs 

Accurate perception of a child’s needs and congruent responses form the basis of secure attachment 

• AWARENESS 

“Whenever we put down ideas of what life should be like, we are free to wholeheartedly say yes to our life as it is.” -Tara Brach, Ph.D. 

Of our fears and anxieties, triggers, frustrations, projections, expectations

Of our bodily sensations, our breath, our thoughts, our emotions 

(This aspect of respectful, intentional caregiving is often overlooked) 

•  BALANCE 

“Setting limits, creating clear boundaries for acceptable behavior, and offering structure gives children the important experiences that enable them to have a sense of safety and security.” -Daniel Siegel, Ph.D. & Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.  

Considering and attending to the wants and needs of both parent and child to ensure that the caregiving experience is not only nurturing, but also sustainable (this is where boundaries and kind but consistent limits come in)

Navigating the delicate dance between connection and autonomy 

Taking a cooperative approach with your child

• COMPASSION 

“Like a caring mother holding and guarding the life of her only child, so with a boundless heart hold yourself and all beings.” -Buddha 

Unconditional positive regard for our children

Self-compassion for ourselves 

• INTENTION 

“A culture of compassion promotes appreciation of differences, mutual respect, compassionate interactions, and empathic understanding among family members. With thoughtful intent we can choose the values we care about to create a culture in our homes that provides meaning to the daily lives of our children.” -Daniel Siegel, Ph.D. & Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.

We communicate our values through...

• our actions: what we’re modeling, how we scaffold growth through selective intervention, whether we’re regularly able to pause, step back and let go of the desire to control outcomes

• our language: what we say + how we say it 

• our environments: whether children have access to safe, developmentally-appropriate “yes” spaces 

• our daily rhythm: how we spend our time as well as the pace (“Go slowly and with great patience.” -Magda Gerber)

• REFLECTION 

“A deeper self-understanding changes who you are. Making sense of your life enables you to understand others more fully and gives you the possibility of choosing your behaviors and opening your mind to a fuller range of experiences. The changes that come with self-understanding enable you to have a way of being, a way of communicating with your children, that promotes their security of attachment.” -Daniel Siegel, Ph.D. & Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.