Photo by OPPO Find X5 Pro on Unsplash
(2 min read) I came in dusty and parched from picking up rotten, fallen apples in the backyard and felt such a strong nostalgia for a Saturday childhood tradition. My grandma and aunt would come over and we (my mom, sister and I) would do yard work together until dusk. We’d be completely tuckered out so we’d grab takeout and sit down together and watch Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. On special occasions my grandma might spend the night. These are some of my fondest childhood memories. So many of the people I loved all gathered together, spending time chatting, pulling weeds, pruning, raking leaves. Eventually I decided to leave my own mark on the garden and dug multiple deep holes in the impossible desert caliche soil before gingerly lowering bare root roses. My grandma loved those roses and my mom still reminisces about all of my hard work to plant them (they’re still there, 20 years later, well established and heartier than ever).
“Every time we include a child in an adult task–we are telling that child that they are part of something bigger than themselves. They are a part of a ‘we.’ And they are connected to the other members of the family. What they do helps or hurts others.”
Rose garden circa 2002
When I look back on this tradition, it strikes me as odd that this is what I remember. Hard physical labor? What some might define as “chores?” But it really reinforces that quality time needn't be limited to a specific set of child-centered activities or even those big, well-planned trips. I’ve been reading NPR correspondent Michaeleen Doucleff’s book Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans and she discusses how critical it is in most cultures for children and adults to participate in activities together that benefit the family as a whole. She explains,
“Humans likely evolved for children to learn by shadowing adults; it’s been the way they’ve been learning for at least two hundred thousand years.”
Mocha under the lemon tree
As a child I never thought it was odd that these were special occasions and now, looking back through the lens of child development and the evolution of family life throughout history, my experience makes a lot of sense… the satisfaction of real work, the presence of family, being outdoors, being at home, the flexibility of being able to (as an introvert) engage then disengage as necessary–or to connect while keeping my hands busy.
My grandma and I would reminisce about these times well into her 90s and she too remembered them with great fondness. I inherited some of her gardening tools when she passed away and I think of her every time I use them.
Do you have any regular traditions like this with your kiddos? If so, I’d love to hear about them!
“Kids are wired for this type of cooperation. It’s one of the traits that makes us human. It makes us feel good to work together and help the people who love us.”
If not, do you have any ideas about what could be your special family work tradition? When would you want to do it? How would you create the structure for it to become a routine? Who might be there to participate? What add ons could make it special (like a specific meal or a TV show everyone likes to watch)?