(2 min read) A popular music class for infants and toddlers overlaps with our parent-toddler class and I get an opportunity to overhear (and sometimes observe) what goes on in that class. While this post is not intended to disparage this class, or music classes in general (music is one of my great loves), I’ve observed some crucial differences in the way parents and children participate in the music class versus in a RIE-inspired class. Participating in a music class is one more thing to do. Parents and carers chase children around, they lift and wiggle babies’ bodies, recorded music is sometimes played at a volume I find to be overstimulating (and I’m an adult, sitting inside a building, quite a distance away). Many babies look stunned, confused, or skeptical. There aren’t many opportunities for parents to chat with one another, let alone dive into deep discussions. Nobody seems to be particularly relaxed. Honestly, it sounds kind of exhausting.
In this type of class there is no space for the child’s agenda, for the child to decide what they’ll do or what they’re interested in on a given day. They’re along for the ride. Very few classes that I’ve ever attended with infants or toddlers (be it pre-pandemic in-person story time, toddler gymnastics, or something similar) have been conducted at a slow-enough pace to align well with the pace of a young child or demonstrated a developmentally-appropriate awareness of the number and frequency of transitions in their class rhythm.
Photo by Kevin Gent on Unsplash
In a RIE-inspired class, you choose a floor chair where your body will be well-supported and you sit down. Sure, if your kiddo is mobile you may choose to spot them as they explore the Pikler triangle or approach another child’s face but I–as the facilitator–am also there to offer support, spotting, and selective intervention in those instances. Parents and carers of pre-mobile kiddos may get up to change a diaper or feed a child at their seat but aside from that they get the opportunity to slow down, in community, to the pace of an infant.
Families have an opportunity to experience an hour of calm, acceptance, support, validation, and slowness, where forced sharing, “being nice,” and other developmentally inappropriate (but extremely common and well-intentioned) expectations are left at the door.
Photo by Yan Krukov from Pexels
While the classes can be meaningful and transformational on their own, their value is that they are a microcosm of Magda Gerber’s approach to respectful caregiving. Her approach emphasizes:
Slowing down
Observation and awareness of the strengths and capabilities of young children
Balancing the needs of parents/carers and children
Trusting that infants and toddlers have their own ideas and can be fully responsible for their own play
That it is our responsibility to attune to and communicate with children but it is not our responsibility to “fix” their feelings (learning our roles and our children’s roles)
A culture of support, gentle curiosity, and flexibility (Magda was known to respond frequently to questions with the phrase, “It depends”)
And so much more
I hear variations of the same theme over and over from different families:
““I honestly don’t know what I would do without this approach.” ”
These families find the experience of caring for children to be manageable, balanced, and enjoyable because there is a framework from which to operate. This approach requires an investment, as do all relationships and almost anything worthwhile but I think you’ll discover that the investment will be worth your while as it plays out in your relationship with your child.
These classes provide a place where you can your child can simply *be,* where you and your child will be welcomed wholeheartedly, where you can share and investigate your experiences, questions, and stories in a gentle, kind, and supportive community of folks who are also learning about and practicing respectful caregiving… oh yeah, and it might also make your life a little easier.
Note: While I am a RIE® Intern and in the final phase of my professional development with RIE®, the classes I offer are “RIE-Inspired” (not RIE® Certified Parent-Infant Guidance classes) because I have not yet completed my training. My classes closely resemble certified classes in their rhythm and physical environment.