9 Ways to Support Your Child’s Development When You’re Out in the Community (Part 2)

4. Step back and observe

“Observe more, do less. Do less, enjoy more.”

-Magda Gerber

There’s a reason that one of the eight RIE® Basic Principles involves sensitive observation. The more skilled we become at observing our children the better we’re able to understand and communicate with them. It can be so easy, especially when we’re out and about, to decide how or with what our child should play, experiment or investigate. We see all of the teachable moments and so very badly want to share them. However, when we practice noticing our own impulses to orchestrate our children’s experience what we’re really doing is rolling the ball of “basic trust” (another of the RIE® Basic Principles) back into our child’s court. Every time we do this we’re affirming our belief that children are born with the ability and, more importantly, the drive to learn, to practice, to experiment and to explore the world around them. Breathing, physically stepping back, or holding our hands behind our back can be helpful when the impulse to step in (our own anxiety) is strong.

Once I was attending an event for toddlers that culminated in a small product (unfortunately not process) oriented art project. The children were instructed to use doilies and colorful construction paper cut outs to create a snowman. One caregiver, stooped and hovering over her child, was doing all of the gluing and arranging herself. She asked the child, “Where do you want the scarf to go?” After the caregiver applied glue on the scarf for the child, the child placed the scarf on the snowman’s abdomen to which the caregiver promptly corrected, “That’s the body,” before moving the scarf up to the snowman’s neck. It became very clear that the project was not for the child at all. The adult’s actions communicated that doing it “right” was more important than the child having an opportunity to explore the materials, think creatively or to experience the feelings of efficacy that come from creating something all on their own. Toddlers usually have very little wrapped up in doing things “the right way” (unless they’ve learned it from us) so let’s do our best to table our agendas and our perfectionism and let them explore in their own way and at their own pace. What a wonderful gift!

Getting out of the way is a tough challenge, isn’t it? We want to help, fix, and guide our kids. But we have to remind ourselves that if we let children figure things out for themselves, we are communicating a powerful message—“I think you are competent and wise.” When we allow them to finish their own arts and crafts projects, we are saying, “I think you are creative.” When we let them build blocks to their own precise specifications, we are communicating, “I think you are capable.”

-Kenneth R. Ginsburg, MD, MS Ed, FAAP

A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Your Child Roots and Wings

5. Prioritize physical activity by fostering autonomy in movement

Placing infants and toddlers in positions or onto play equipment (play structures, slides, swings) they can’t climb independently gives them a distorted sense of confidence as to their abilities and no real knowledge of how to safely descend. Supporting autonomy of movement is central to Magda Gerber’s Educaring approach… it’s how children develop strength, coordination, balance and grace. They’re able to practice problem solving, focused attention and a sense of their bodies in the world as they learn by moving their own bodies day after day. I’m always astounded by how many children arrive at the park in a stroller or car and immediately indicate that they want to be placed in a swing. With the exception of an older child who can climb into a swing and pump their legs without assistance, infants, toddlers and many preschoolers are completely passive in a swing. They experience no opportunities to explore real life textures like grass, mud, or puddles of water; no chances to discover sticks, colorful leaves or insects; no opportunities to practice balance, coordination and develop core strength while crawling, cruising, walking, climbing or running. James Sallis, program director of the Active Living Research Program for the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation explains, “Based on previous studies, we can definitely say that the best predictor of preschool children’s activity is simply being outdoors and that an indoor, sedentary childhood is linked to mental health problems” (as cited in Louv, 2006).

Children are driven to use their bodies to explore the world—to express their curiosity through physical activity. Let’s do everything in our power to preserve and protect this drive by allowing children autonomy in gross motor movement. Both urban parks and natural playscapes can serve as a wonderful, accessible foundation for active, healthy children.

Particularly in the 12 to 24 month period, movement is so central to the active toddler’s sense of well-being that enforced immobility, cramped spaces, or simply being indoors too long can set off irritability, restlessness, and finally temper tantrums. This is the child’s way of indicating that the urge to move and explore needs to find an avenue for discharge.

-Alicia Lieberman, Ph.D. The Emotional Life of the Toddler

6. Establish a home base

This may seem inconsequential but the simple act of spreading out a blanket at the park or indicating to your child where you will sit while they play provides reassurance and supports your child’s exploration. Not knowing where you are can cause your child to seek proximity more often or prevent your child from relaxing into their exploration, particularly for children who are more cautious about separating. Of course your level of supervision will always depend on your child, their developmental level and the environment. If your child is very young (but quickly mobile) or regularly leaves spaces without checking in with you you’ll need to adjust your proximity accordingly. Even from a distance a glance and a smile go a long way in letting your child know that, while you may be physically apart, you see them and you’re there for them.

Ginsburg, K. R., & Jablow, M. M. (2015). Building resilience in children and teens: Giving kids roots and wings. Elk Grove Village, IL: American Academy of Pediatrics.

Lieberman, A. F. (2018). The emotional life of the toddler. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Louv, R. (2006). Last child in the woods. North Carolina, USA: Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill.

9 Ways to Support Your Child’s Development When You’re Out in the Community (Part 1)

Having worked with children for the past twenty years, I’ve spent quite a lot of time out and about with them. Visiting museums, zoos, indoor play areas, natural playscapes, city parks and play structures has afforded me plentiful opportunities to observe caregivers and children. Noticing patterns and common points of struggle, I’ve come up with a few of the most important ways you can support your child (and yourself!) when you’re exploring new environments.

1. Let them set the pace

   (or, the importance of managing our own expectations)

It’s easy for our own impatience or agenda to interfere with our children’s natural pace for exploration. We get to the zoo and we’re excited… we want to see all the animals! Our children may be mystified by an anthill on the path, by watching the train come and go, or practicing balancing on a low wall (BUT THE TIGERS!!). My mom, a therapist in private practice who works with children and families, always jokes that if you bring a toddler to the zoo, you have succeeded if you’ve seen one animal. Arriving with this expectation can help when we feel pressured to see it all (and get our money’s worth). Interrupting our child’s focused attention rarely supports their burgeoning attention skills and can often contribute to a hurried outing that leaves both us and our children frazzled, overstimulated and with no real sense of the wonder and amazement that can come with new experiences. As Loris Malaguzzi, the founder of the Reggio Emilia approach to early childhood education, once explained,

“A puddle of water can become for children an entire universe to explore.”

2. Let them stay close

How often I hear well-meaning parents encouraging their children to “go play!” It’s helpful to remember that an ever changing constellation of factors is at play (temperament, mood, energy level, level of appeal in the environment... even the weather!) when your child is deciding if and when they’re ready to “go play.” Internally normalizing their desire to stay close can be helpful if you find yourself making future projections about what it means that they’re feeling cautious (“What if they never leave my side?? Isn’t it my role to encourage them to try new things?”) and remember that your child can still derive value from an experience even if they remain in close proximity to you. They will remember your trust in their readiness and learn to moderate for themselves the interplay between careful observation (which is valuable!) and our own goal of overt engagement.

“Then there are those times at the playgroup, the park, a party, or even just at home when we might expect our child to be out playing or socializing, but our child is glued to us. Release those expectations or wishes—let clinginess be. In fact, welcome it. Don’t entertain, just let the child sit with you and watch. Coaxing, redirecting, pointing out all the wonderful toys children could be playing with only intensifies her desire to cling. ”

— Janet Lansbury, Calming Your Clingy Child

3. Allow them to struggle

Once, at OMSI (the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry), I observed a parent repeatedly lifting their toddler so the child was able to drop plastic balls into a funnel of swirling water. The child mechanically complied but expressed no real excitement or pride at the feat. Imagine instead if the parent had stepped back to observe and, noticing the child’s struggle, simply acknowledged the child’s frustration at not being quite tall enough to reach the lip of the funnel. Likely the child would have either kept trying, flexing their ability to creatively problem solve, or moved on to something more interesting or manageable. Either way it was a missed opportunity for this child, one that also supported an unfortunate dependence on the parent, making the parent integral to the child’s ability to explore their environment. When we trust children to be the initiators and protagonists of their own play we are able to learn more about what interests them and what developmental tasks they’re currently working on.

This also includes allowing some degree of interpersonal struggle. Adults stepping in to solve children’s problems at the slightest sign of conflict implicitly tells them that they need us to solve their problems and undermines their growing abilities to participate in the complex dance of interpersonal interactions. If you do sense a struggle arising, especially if you think it might become physical, you can get down to the children’s level and check in with them, explaining what you see and being ready to calmly block a hit or push if necessary.

… Stay tuned for parts two and three!

Nurturing Spaces: A New Vision for Children’s Home Environments

“There was a child went forth every day,
And the first object he looked upon, that object he became,
And that object became part of him for the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles of years.”

— Walt Whitman

I never imagined that a degree in social work, countless hours (nearly two decades) spent providing childcare in families’ homes, a few years in an early childhood classroom and a passion for beautiful spaces and quality design would have led me here.

I've had the unique experience of spending many hours in other people’s homes, becoming well-versed in the joys, challenges and idiosyncrasies of the home environment.  

Our immediate surroundings can support the unfolding of Our daily experiences or, alternately, create distress and frustration.

Nowhere does this play out more prominently than in a home with young children. Environments ill-suited to the curious and exploratory minds of newly mobile infants and toddlers become a minefield of “NO!” leaving the child to increasingly push limits instead of focusing on other developmental tasks of their age. Spaces overflowing with toys invite distraction, (paradoxically) boredom and, in turn, an unfortunate disregard for the care and keeping of valuable materials. Because, of course, no object can maintain its importance in an endless sea of others.

It was an accumulation of similar experiences that brought about the idea for this business—watching many different families struggle with the same exact things and indeed, struggling with them myself as I spent time with children in their homes. All too often I’ve observed children spending their days in environments unsuited to their chronological and/or developmental age. I’ve seen spaces catered to adults with inaccessible materials—beautiful yet frustratingly non-functional from a child’s perspective. I’ve witnessed the way parents inadvertently make more work for themselves when children need assistance to access even the most basic things, like a piece of paper or a cup for water. How can we encourage and expect independence from children when their environments do little to support their growing desire for autonomy?

A few minor modifications to the environment can make a world of difference.

Even the youngest children can participate in the process of caring for their spaces, leading to mastery and self-confidence.   

The most important thing to remember about young children’s environments is that it is largely up to us as caregivers and parents to maintain pleasant and engaging spaces.

No child will ever tell you (with their words) that they have too many toys.

Of course, they will show you (with their behaviors) that they are overwhelmed and unable to focus.

Therefore it is our responsibility to observe the children in our lives, noticing their cues, and modify their environments accordingly.

Imagine an environment where children (even the littlest of littles) play independently and with focused attention for considerable stretches of time. An environment where children are surrounded by beautiful, quality materials that support their optimal development. In this space, children's treasured creations and collections are lovingly and prominently displayed, showing them, “Your work is valued. You are valued.” This “yes” space has been tailored to the interests and developmental stage of each child that uses it and we can feel safe and confident allowing our children to explore freely within it. Let’s imagine homes where parents and caregivers spend no more than ten minutes per day tidying their children’s play space.

Doesn’t that sound nice?

I am so excited to begin this journey supporting families to envision and develop enriching environments where children can learn, explore, imagine, experiment, practice, persevere and create. Your children deserve a nurtured space.